This is what I deserve for trying new things

When I was grocery shopping the other day and browsing through the produce section, I said to myself: "Evan, you've been on Earth 23 years and haven't tried a coconut yet. What's the matter with you? Are you chicken? bwak bwak bwak!" Hey, I'm not going to take that from me! I've got to shut me up once and for all!

I bought one, and I must say it did not come close to meeting my lofty expectations. I drilled a small hole to try and get the milk out first. I thought the coconut milk would be somewhat thick and sweet. Instead, it was really runny and tasted salty. It looked like bath water. After much fuss and muss with a hammer and chisel, the coconut was finally open for me to try. Here I thought it would be relatively juicy and sweet. Instead, it was hard as a brick and tasted like a toothpick.

How do people stranded on an island eat these things? That was the most disgusting thing I've eaten since 1993...and I remember the summer of 1993 well. If you ever go to a Ponderosa restaurant in Florida and get what appears to be a chicken ball, I strongly advise you to put it back and keep walking. It looks like chicken, it smells like chicken, but brother...it ain't chicken.