Newsbreak: sponsored by Coca-Cola Zero

I'm not starting my wheelbarrow full of homework until I see zero's on the clock, so I may as well update this thing!

I had a ton of fun supervising a midterm exam last week...in fact, I volunteered to do it for any prof who doesn't want to do it. I felt so empowered. I gave out precise instructions to the class and told them when they were allowed to start the exam. I wrote the time left on the board every 15 minutes. I looked up everytime I heard a cough or distinct rustle. I was the one who determined whether or not people went to the bathroom. Oh, the power...and the 15 dollars an hour I get paid to sit there in a quiet environment and do much needed reading!

I hate it when profs ambush me. I had a presentation on a book about Al Qaeda the previous week and we had talked about it at length in the class, so I figured I was done with it...and I was wrong. I'm not the best question-and-answer guy even when I'm prepared, so imagine my surprise yesteday when he peppers me with more questions when I had walked away from this whole thing. This isn't my area of specialty, but I made it out of there with minimal cuts and bruises. At least I got a 78 out of the whole deal.

It's just hitting me about how much work my thesis involves...and that the department really wants me to think about it now even though I really should'nt have to worry about it until well into the new year. I have to have a proposal ready in 2 weeks, and I just started researching the bloody thing. At least I know what I'll be doing, to some degree: a study of citizenship programming in Canada, especially in regards to education, from after World War II until the present. Approximately 200,000 people apply to become citizens of Canada each year...so how have immigrants learned (or not learned) about the roles and responsibilties that come with being a Canadian citizen? I might get to travel down to Ottawa to look at the National Archives to get more information, but that depends on whose dime would be paying for this trip! LOL

Didn't get to go to the Rider game on Sunday because we couldn't get a hold of the girl who had our free tickets. She lived in Moose Jaw, and since we couldn't get a hold of her, we decided not to risk missing the game entirely on a whim. I knew it was too good to be true. But after watching the game on TV, I'm glad we didn't go down there! Even if we make the playoffs, we'll be out right away. I'd rather we miss the playoffs and that Ottawa gets in; this way, it'll force the Riders to make some much-needed changes in the offseason and to hopefully get that QB we so desperately neeed. If we get in, we'll stay with the status quo like we always do...

I get to dress up for Halloween at work on Monday. I hate Halloween, but it's for charity, and normally I'll do anything not to wear a tie and dress pants...but oddly enough, the tie and dress pants are a part of my costume this year. I found a Donald Trump wig at Value Village, so all I need to do is slap on a suit jacket and I'm all set. I was going to wear my Flames jersey and a hockey helmet while wearing a sign that said "Will play for 2 million dollars", but now that the lockout is over I can't do that. My friend Rhiannon suggested a costume where I dress up all in black and tape socks to myself, claiming that I would be the monster that steals your socks from the dryer. I personally love the idea, but it may require much more work then I would like...

I also ordered a T-shirt off of Ebay that has a cool logo with the words "Captain Charisma". It reeks of awesomeness. I've always wanted to be a captain.

Now I get to read a chapter about writing a research project whilst listening to some Rage Against the Machine. Good times.

Random Ramble

Last Friday was Colin's 22nd birthday :0 I got him a gift that only I could get him: Season One of ALF on DVD. 25 episodes on 4 CDs...wow. ALF was a fantastic series, but I must say that Willie has to be the worst actor on the planet...how he won that audition is beyond me...good for a pity chuckle or five though.

Had a nice time last night at a farewell party for our assistant manager, "the other" Evan. I meant to stay there for a half hour or so because I have oodles of homework on my desk, but I ended up staying for an hour and half. What can I say? It's fun listening to stories that slag management and dumb customers. It was real nice assuming that pages on the intercom for Evan weren't necessarily for me...especially when it was for carrying stuff like water softener soft. Those things are freakin heavy, and I still don't understand why people need 20 of them at a time.

I was offered the assistant manager gig last week. They asked me why I hadn't applied yet...I was tempted to say "because I wouldn't wish the job on my worst enemy" or "because I don't like you", but I said I was in school and I didn't want to relocate and get shipped off to someplace boring like Meadow Lake or Yorkton after my training was complete. I was promised that I wouldn't relocate, but I call BS on that one. The managers I know said they've never been offered that, so why would I get that special treatment? They tried to talk me out of going to school (lol), but I told them I might ask for the master key and close up shop for a night or 2 a week when my course load lightens significantly before Christmas.

Going on another roadtrip to Regina this weekend...the other Evan was able to find us some free tickets to the Stamps-Riders game, which is Burris's return to Saskatchewan. I haven't seen any proof that these tickets exist though, which makes me nervous. I really should spend the day reading and typing because my foot pain over the past week or so has made me fall behind in my assignments, but how can I turn down free tickets? Supposedly we're using my car, but I need to do some reading on the way down (hence I can somewhat justify making this trip, and if there's no tickets, at least I did some work), so I'll get somebody else to drive. I also hope I can walk to the stadium...my right ankle flared up again today, so hopefully that gets fixed before Sunday.

I'm going to play the role of a professor tomorrow. My thesis supervisor is out of town and needs a graduate student to administer a mid-term exam for him. I got the call...so I'm the guy who gets to write the time left on the board, who allows people to go to the bathroom and who makes sure people aren't cheating. Could be fun, could be a disaster...we'll see if I'm cut out for teaching. At least I get paid for this!

Have a merry today everybody. Cheers!

Drive-Thru Banking Procedures

I feel it is my duty to share things that make me cry and howl with laughter. Enjoy!

A sign in the bank lobby reads: "Please note that this Bank is installing new drive-thru teller machines enabling customers to withdraw cash without leaving their vehicles. Customers using this new facility are requested to use the procedures outlined below when accessing their accounts. After months of careful research, MALE and FEMALE procedures have been developed. Please follow the appropriate steps for your gender."

MALE PROCEDURE
1. Drive up to the cash machine
2. Put down your car window
3. Insert card into machine and enter PIN
4. Enter amount of cash required and withdraw
5. Retrieve cash, card and reciept
6. Put window up.
7. Drive off.

FEMALE PROCEDURE
1. Drive up to the cash machine
2. Reverse and back up the required amount to align car window with the machine
3. Set parking brake, put the window down
4. Find handbag, remove all contents on to passenger seat to locate card
5. Tell person on cell phone you will call them back and hang up
6. Attempt to insert card into machine
7. Open car door to allow easier access to machine due to excessive distance from car
8. Insert card
9. Re-insert card the right way
10. Dig through handbag to find diary with your PIN written on the inside back page
11. Enter PIN
12. Press cancel and re-enter correct PIN
13. Enter amount of cash required
14. Check make-up in rear view mirror
15. Retrieve cash and reciept
16. Empty handbag again to locate wallet and place cash inside
17. Write debit amount in check register and place receipt in back of checkbook
18. Re-check make-up
19. Drive forward 2 feet
20. Reverse back to cash machine
21. Retrieve card
22. Re-empty handbag, locate card holder, and place card into slot
23. Give dirty look to irate male driver waiting behind you
24. Restart stalled engine and pull off and hit big yellow pole
25. Redial person on cell phone and tell them you hit a big yellow pole
26. Drive for 2 to 3 miles
27. Release parking brake

Worst. Weekend. Ever.

I spent all weekend either lying on my bed with my feet up, lying on the couch with my feet up, or hobbling around on two badly swollen feet. The only thing that felt good this weekend was soaking my sore feet in a tub of ice cold water 5 times a day. I hate being cooped up and being in so much pain that it keeps you from focusing on doing anything that would be constructive.

I had a slight ankle sprain earlier in the week (I'm not sure how that happened, to be honest), but since it didn't hurt a whole lot, I decided to go to work for 9 hours on Friday. Not a smart decision. Within an hour or 2, my right foot was throbbing with pain. However, I was able to hop around and do my job until my lunch break. I put my foot up in the car for an hour hoping that would do the trick...but it didn't. I really needed to finish one certain task before I left, and I was able to...but at the expense of both my feet! I hurt my left foot trying to keep weight off my right foot. I begged off the rest of my shift and left 2 hours early at 830...first time in 4 years that I couldn't finish a shift. I told them not to expect me Saturday morning either...when I got home, my feet were red and pounding with pain.

I tried elevating my feet, putting freezing gel on them, plunking them in ice cold water several times a day, drinking tons of water and eating cherries (all the websites I looked at recommeded that for some reason), taking ibuprofen twice every 4 hours...nothing worked.

My feet grew exponentially worse for no reason after the Rider game (caused by a loss, perhaps?), so I dropped my stubbornness and went to go see a doctor on Monday. Of course, seeing as though it was Thanksgiving, they were open later in the day, not regular hours. I couldn't even walk in the door, so they had to wheelchair me in. I don't know why, but I had fun in the wheelchair. I circled around the room a few times just to figure the contraption out. I have a newfound respect for wheelchair athletes who race these things at high speeds...it should definitely be a medal sport at the Olympics.

After waiting for 40 minutes, the Doc saw me for like a minute or 2 and gave me some high-strength pills to deal with the swelling. They're working slowly but surely because I can actually find where my ankles are on my feet, but I'm going to miss class tonight and most likely all of tomorrow because I can barely walk around the house (my grandmother lent me her walker), let alone campus, at this time. I'm feeling better now though, and I'll probably be fine and dandy just in time for my next shift on Thursday though...weeee.

I think this is a signal to me that I need some lifestyle changes. I was losing weight until the end of the summer and then I got lazy...not good because I tend to save my laziness for after the first snowfall. All this weight is not good for my feet, short term and long term. Might have to dig out the exercise bike because I hate running. Less chips and chocolate would help too, but working in a grocery store makes this a difficult task. I already drink a ton of water and I gave up caffienated Coke for non-caffienated some time ago, so I guess I'm off to a head start in some ways...

I DARE YOU to top this crummy weekend. First prize is a leftover can of cherries and my Grandma's walker.

The Cold War

I finally got what I deserve. Why do I insist on leaving the window open on even the coldest fall evenings? Mainly because it knocks me out quick when I'm in bed, but now I've got my first cold of the school year.

The runny nose isn't that bad. The headaches are bearable. I love my new deeper, crooner-like voice. What I can't stand is the constant tickle in the back of my throat that causes me to cough endlessly. Stock market tip for all my loyal readers: Buy into the company that makes Halls, because I'm single handedly propping that stock up. Everytime I think I have this tickle figured out by drinking 7 glasses of water and sucking back a lozenge or 8, it comes back for more. At school, at church, at work, at a restaurant...it knows no bounds. Yaaaaarrrgh.

The good news is that I was able to let out a few yelps of enjoyment as the Riders blocked ANOTHER field goal to win a game, this time on the road against BC. We didn't play well on offense and we probably shouldn't have won, but we've blown so many games this year...the way I see it, the universe is just balancing itself out 8)

Not too much worth reporting. I spent all day reading about constitutional negotiations instead of watching football. Just typing that made me throw up a little bit in my mouth.

I have an eye appointment tomorrow, so just as soon as I print off my cheat sheet of the alphabet, I'm going to bed to rest my eyes. They have a big day tomorrow :)